They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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