I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
