Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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