i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
