I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize