shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
