we're chasing vodka with high fives
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize