that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
