Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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