So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
