he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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