As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
