someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
