tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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