Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All the doctor said was why
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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