i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
