mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
