i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
