when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i will never coherently bang her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
