Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
