I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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