I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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