Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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