Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
