shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize