I wish I could teleport
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
