woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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