can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
