I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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