Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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