i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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