I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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