Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize