You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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