obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
