im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I looked at my own cervix.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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