Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
