So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
