Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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