There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize