I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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