im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
