i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize