hotel room ftw
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
