i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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