u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
there is glitter all over my balls
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
