I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He passed out mid-signature
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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