And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
