like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
