I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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