What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
