It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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