is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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