Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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