Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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