PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
