I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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