Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
