i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
