i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
