PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize