why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
