can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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