I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
